Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
