My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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