i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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