dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
