You smell like stripper and shame
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
