My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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