Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, he came in my armpit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
