I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
