I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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