your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
