batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
