WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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