Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
