i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
