I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
