watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
