Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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