Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
