My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
