2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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