I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
