This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
