I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
