I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
