I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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