Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
