I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her vagine was all disorganized.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
