I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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