this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You've changed since you got that strap on
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
