Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
