i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
