we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
