He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
