if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
