ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
