If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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