This girl is more easily done than said...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
