Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
