His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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