Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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