I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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