I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
