I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
