she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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