Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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