Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
