i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
