my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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