hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
