I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
