i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
